bovilexics.com

Letter A

aets

(ehtz)

Greek symbols on water foundtain handles.

agonosis

(ag uh NO sis)

The syndrome of tuning into the "Wide World of Sports" every Saturday just to watch the skier rack himself.

airdirt

(AYR dirt)

A hanging plant that has been ignored for three weeks or more.

alpopuck

(AL po puk)

Any empty dish pushed around the kitchen floor by a dog trying to get the last morsel.

anchority

(an CHOR ih tee)

A group's final, hard-fought decision on what toppings to order on a pizza.

Letter B

b+ stampede

(BEE plus stam peed)

The attempt by half the classroom to claim the paper with no name on it.

backspackle

(BAK spak uhl)

Markings on the back of one's shirt from riding a fenderless bicycle.

backspackle

(BAK spak uhl)

Markings on the back of one's shirt from riding a fenderless bicycle.

backspubble

(BAK spuh bul)

Dishwater that disappears down one drain of a double sink and comes up the other.

baldage

(BALD aj)

The accumulation of hair in the drain after showering.

banectomy

(bah NEK to mee)

The removal of bruises on a banana.

bargus

(BAR jus)

The area of the windshield that the wipers can't reach.

bazookacidal tendencies

(bah ZEW kuh sy dal TEN den seez)

The overwhelming desire of most individuals to reach out and pop the gigantic gum bubble billowing from someone's mouth.

beavo

(BEE vo)

A pencil with teeth marks all over it.

bimp

(bimp)

A blurry or "double-edged" felt-tip marker.

bixplex

(BIKS pleks)

Psychological block in which a person cannot choose which color of disposable lighter to purchase.

bizoos

(bih ZEWS)

The millions of tiny individual bumps that make up a basketball.

blooage

(BLEW ij)

The residue left on fingers after using an S.O.S. pad.

blurfle

(BLER ful)

To be caught talking at the top of one's lungs when the music at the bar or disco suddenly stops.

bomca

(BAHM ka)

A lubricant derived from the salivary gland used for turning book pages.

bowlikinetics

(boh lih kih NEH tiks)

The act of trying to control a released bowling ball by twisting one's body in the direction one wants it to go.

brazel

(BRAH zul)

The scratch plate on a matchbook.

bubblic

(BUH blik)

adj.

Addicted to the systematic popping of the bubbles in packing material.

bugpedal

(BUG ped uhl)

To accelerate or decelerate rapidly in an attempt to remove a clinging insect from a car's windshield.

burgacide

(BURG uh side)

When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill and into the coals.

butthenge

(BUT henj)

A pile of cigarrete butts occupying a parking lot space.

buttnick

(BUT nik)

The crevice on an ashtray where the cigarette rests.

buzzacks

(BUZ aks)

People in shops where phones are sold who walk around picking up display phones and listening for dial tones even when they know the phones are not connected.

Letter C

caffidget

(ka FIJ it)

To break up a styrofoam coffee cup into severl hundred pieces after consuming its contents.

caltitude

(KAL tih took)

The height to which a cat's rear end can rise to meet the hand stroking it.

carperimeter

(kar pur IHM ih tur)

The zone between the wall and the end of the vacuum cleaner where the dirt is "safe".

catlapse

(KAT laps)

The amount of time a cat sleeping on its owner's lap has to awake and prepare to hit the floor before the owner stands up.

cellostatic

(sel oh STAT ik)

adj.

The electrical property of cracker and cigarette wrappers that causes them to stick to your hank.

chain gang walk

(chayn gang wok)

Activity observed in the footwear section of cheap department stores where the shoes are wired together "for your convenience".

checkuary

(CHEK yew air ee)

The thirteenth month of the year. Begins on New Year's Day and ends when a person stops absent-mindedly writing the old year on his checks.

cheerio-magnetization

(cheer ee oh mag net i ZAY shun)

The tendency of the last four or five Cheerios in the bowl to cling together for survival.

chiclexodus

(chik ul EKS oh dus)

Any attempt by a gum ball to sneak out of the chute and roll past the buyer.

chipfault

(CHIP fawlt)

The stress point on a potato chip where it breaks off and stays behind in the dip.

chubble

(CHUH bul)

The aerobic movement combining deep kneebends and sideward hops used when trying to get into panty hose.

circum-populate

(sur kum POP yew layt)

To finish off a popsicle "laterally" because the "frontal" approach causes one to gag.

combiloops

(KOM bih lewps)

The two or three unsuccessful passes before finally opening a combination locker.

cornicle

(KOR nih kul)

Breaded "washer" left on the stick after eating a corndog.

countersaurus

(kown tur SAWR us)

Any person who orders two pieces of cheesecake and a diet soda to drink.

cranial stomp

(KRAY nee uhl stomp)

A somewhat primitive dance performed by youngsters trying to step on the heads of their own shadows.

crayollia

(kray OH lee uh)

The area of the refrigerator where kindergarten drawings are displayed.

crinks

(krinks)

Crevices and junctions where car wax gets in but doesn't get out.

crumbplumb

(KRUM plum)

To attack a cereal box in attempt to retrieve the prize.

cubelo

(KYEW beh lo)

The one cube left by the preson too lazy to refill the ice tray.

cushup

(KUSH up)

To sit down on a couch somehow causing the cushion next to you to rise.

Letter D

darf

(darf)

The least attractive side of a Christmas tree that ends up facing the wall.

digitritus

(dij ih TREE tus)

Deposits found between the links of a watchband.

dillrelict

(dil REL ikt)

The last pickle in the jar that avoids all attempts to be captured.

dimp

(dimp)

A person who insults you in a cheap department store by asking "do you work here?"

dipwavers

(DIP way vurz)

People who raise their hands when riding on roller coasters.

dognut

(DAWG nut)

The giant nut on the side of a fire hydrant.

doork

(dawrk)

A person who always pushes on a door marked "pull" or vice versa.

downpause

(DOWN pawz)

The split second of dry weather experienced when driving under an overpass during a storm.

droot

(drewt)

A Dorito when an unnatural fold in it.

drylowgraphs

(DRY loh grafs)

Strange, unitelligle symbols that accomany the washing instructions on clothing labels.

Letter E

eastroturf

(EE stroh terf)

The artificial grass in Easter baskets.

eiffelites

(EYE ful eyetz)

Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit..

elevertigo

(el uh VUR tig oh)

The sensation one experiences when an elevator stops or takes off too suddenly.

elmerdermis

(el mur DURM is)

The white sheath that surrounds the nozzle of a glue dispenser.

escalos

(ES kah lohz)

People who always end up taking the long way around from escalator to escalator when moving from floor to floor in shopping malls.

eufirstics

(yew FUR stiks)

Two people waiting on the phone for the other to hang up first.

exaspirin

(eks AS prin)

Any bottle of pain reliever with an impossible-to-remove cotton wad at the top.

execuglide

(eks EK yew glyd)

To propel oneself about an office without getting up from the chair.

Letter F

ferroles

(FER olz)

The holes in the bottom of a steam iron.

fetchplex

(FECH pleks)

State of momentary confusion in a dog whose owner has faked throwing the ball and palmed it behind his back.

fictate

(FIK tayt)

To inform a television or screen character of impending danger under the assumption that they can hear you.

finnage

(FIN aj)

The act of watching your money swallowed up as your groceries ride the conveyor belt at the supermarket.

flarpswitch

(FLARP swich)

The one light switch in every house with no function whatsoever.

flimps

(flimps)

People, usually observed in waiting rooms, who have advanced the Evelyn Wood technique to the point where they can flip through a magazine without ever looking down from the clock.

flintstep

(FLINT step)

To wind up one's feet before running away in fear. Common among cartoon characters.

flurrant

(FLUHR uhnt)

The one leaf that always clings to the end of the rake no matter how hard you try to shake it off.

famamage

(fa MAM aj)

To eliminate any annoying engine noise by simply turning up the volume on the radio.

fods

(fahdz)

Couples at amusement parks who wear identical t-shirts, presumably to keep from getting lost.

foys

(foyz)

Missing pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that you later find stuck to the underside of your arm.

frankfluid

(frank FLEW id)

The liquid at the bottom of hot dog packages.

frustra

(FRUS trah)

The special plastic used in the manufacture of fast food ketchup packets.

fuffle

(FUH ful)

To assume, when dining out, that you are making things easier on the waitress by using the phrase "when you get a chance..."

furbula

(FER byew luh)

The designated chewing area on a dog's back.

Letter G

gangloot

(GAN glewt)

Person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to impress people.

gapiana

(ga pee AH nah)

The unclaimed strip of land between the "you are now leaving" and "welcome to" signs when crossing state lines.

gazinta

(gah ZIN tuh)

Mathematical symbol for division; also the sound uttered when dividing out loud. (Example: "Four gazinta eight twice.")

gibble

(JIB buhl)

The sliding keyhole cover on a car trunk.

gizzledipplers

(GIH zul dip lurz)

Those annoying waving hands seen on the backs of Winnebagos, placed there by people too lazy to be friendly on their own.

glamp

(glamp)

The telescopic device used to retrieve golf balls from ponds.

glute

(glewt)

To shake a sugar packet vigorously so as to move the contents to the bottom before tearing open.

grantnap

(GRANT nap)

The extra five minutes of sleep you allow yourself that somehow makes all the difference in the world.

greedling

(GREE dling)

Pretending to read the inscription on the birthday card when you really just want to know how much the check is for.

grintiger

(GRIN tuh jer)

The numbered code on the back of a greeting card that, when deciphered, reveals the price.

gummerator

(GUM urh ay ter)

The pointed rubber object on the end of some toothbrushes.

gyroped

(JY roh ped)

A kid who cannot resist spinning around on a diner stool.

Letter H

hacula

(HAK yew luh)

The last few inches of tape measure or lawn mower cord that refuses to rewind automatically.

halvent

(HAV ent)

A style of auto window, found in newer models, that only rolls down halfway.

houndwounding

(HOWND wown ding)

Canine act of circling a spot three or four times before settling on it.

hudnut

(HUD nuht)

The leftover bolt or screw in any "some assembly required" project.

Letter I

icision

(ih SIH zhun)

Delicate operation perfomed on Neapolitan-flavored ice cream in which one entire flavor is precisely and systematically removed. (See: knuck)

inkslick

(INK slik)

A greasy spot on a piece of stationery or test paper.

irant

(EYE rant)

A seamless pistachio nut; a pistachio nut afraid to come out in public.

Letter J

java-vu

(JAH vah-voo)

Phenomenon of constantly adjusting the sugar and/or cream level of your coffee to your liking, only to have a waitress come along and ruin it again.

joes of arc

(JOHZ uhv ark)

Tiny drops of coffee that die on the burner after the pot is removed.

jukejitters

(JOOK jit erz)

Fear that everyone thinks you picked the awful tune emanating from the jukebox when it was actually the person before you.

Letter K

kawashock

(kah wah SHAHK)

Pulling into the last remaining parking spot only to discover a motorcycle there.

keyfruit

(KEE froot)

The one apple, pear, or tomato in the stand that, when removed, causes all the others to tumble forward.

knuck

(nuk)

Ice cream collected on the back of the hand when scraping the last portions from the box.

krogling

(KROH gling)

The nibbling of small items of fruit and produce at the supermarket, which the customer considers "free sampling" and the owner considers "shoplifting."

Letter L

limalope

(LY muh lohp)

The disgusting foreskin on a lima bean.

linenee

(lih nen EE)

The member of a two-person folding team at the laundromat who takes the sheet and completes the fold.

lodgecombing

(LOJ coh ming)

The final reconnaissance before vacating a motel/hotel room.

loggium

(LOG yum)

Water drips from one's nose hours after swimming.

loomlies

(LEWM leez)

Jockey shorts that have lost their elasticity.

lorp

(lawrp)

The part of the shoe that collapses when you try to pull it on without a shoehorn.

Letter M

magnagram

(MAG nuh gram)

Any sign that takes on a new meaning when a magnetic letter falls off.

malibugaloo

(mal ih BOO guh lew)

A dance that affects barefoot beachgoers on hot summer days.

maltian

(MAL shun)

The alien beside you with concave cheeks, bulging forehead veins, and clearly outlined skill who is attempting to suck a thick milk shake through a straw.

manillium

(mah NIL ee yum)

The lifespan of the clasp on a manila envelope before it breaks off and dies.

microtrek

(MY kro trek)

Any nervous trip to the microwave oven to make sure that the food hasn't incinerated.

microts

(MY krotz)

The two thumbnail-sized pieces you end up with when trying to remove a paper towel in a public restroom.

mimoids

(MIM oydz)

People addicted to the smell of newly mimeographed test papers.

miscordance

(mis KAWR dans)

The principle that states: when reaching for drape cords, you will always tug on the wrong one first, practically tearing down the whole contraption.

mopeeps

(MOH peeps)

People compelled to look through the curtain opening of your motel room as they pass by.

motmeshs

(MAHT mesh ez)

A pair of inseparable shopping carts.

motodrift

(MOH toh drift)

The mistaken belief at a stoplight that your car is moving backward when, actually, the car beside you is moving forward.

mozzalastics

(maht suh LAS tiks)

Large deposits of cheese that stick to the top of the pizza box.

multipochoholes

(mul ti PO cho holz)

Wounds left in test papers from over-erasing.

mummabolic chorus

(mum uh BAH lik KO rus)

When three or more people are singing along to a tune and suddenly discover they are all faking their way through the unintelligle lyrics.

mummelot

(MUH muh laht)

The bottomless repository where theater tickets are dropped.

Letter N

negatile

(NEH guh tyl)

An area of the bathroom floor where, somehow, the scale registers you five pounds lighter.

neoice

(nee oh ICE)

Any ice cube removed before its time, upon close examination, resembles a carpenter's level.

neucro

(NEW kro)

The negative or "uncharged" strip of velcro. (See: posicro)

neutron peas

(NEW tron peez)

Tiny green objects in TV dinners that remain frozen even when the rest of the food has been microwaved beyond recognition.

newton

(NEW tin)

The cookie shell surrounding the fig in a Fig Newton.

nicometeor

(nik oh MEE tee awr )

A cigarette that exits through a car's front window and reenters through the back window.

nifleck

(NIH flek)

The unmarked domino in the set.

nizzlebrill

(NIH zuhl bril)

The "night-day" switch on a rearview mirror.

nocturnuggets

(NOK ter nuh gitz)

Deposits found it one's eye in the morning, also called: gozzagareena, optigook, eyehockey

noflet

(NAHF lit)

The upward swirl of hair found on certain individuals such as Ronald Reagan and Big Boy.

nurge

(nerj)

To inch closer to a stoplight thinking that will cause it to change quicker.

Letter O

110 at the equator

(WON ten at the
ek WAY tawr)

Any burning sensation experienced directly below the navel when putting on a pair of jeans straight from the dryer.

oopzama

(EWP za muh)

Sudden scratching of scalp or face upon realization that the person you were waving at isn't who you thought it was.

opup

(OP uhp)

To push one's glasses back on the nose.

oreosis

(awr ee OH sis)

The practice of eating the cream center of an Oreo before eating the cookie outsides.

otisosis

(oh tis OH sis)

The inability to met anyone else's eyes in an elevator.

Letter P

pajangle

(pah JAN gul)

Condition of waking up with your pajamas turned 180 degrees.

pedaeration

(ped air AY shun)

Perfect body heat achieved by having one leg under the sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed.

peppier

(pehp ee AY)

The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

percambulate

(pur KAM byew layt)

The tendency of fitted sheets to lose their grip and roll up the mattress.

percussive accordian-trombone (p.a.t.) method

(pee ay tee METH uhd)

Standard approach to preparing a straw for use. Consists of driving it sharply downward against a table top, thus causing the wrapper to rip open and achieve and "accordian" effect. The user then brings the exposed end of the straw to his mouth and blows the wrapper across the room.

permapression

(PUR muh preh shun)

The discovery that there is no real difference in the various cycles of your washing machine.

petonic

(peh TON ik)

adj.

One who is embarassed to undress in front of a household pet.

philopologist

(fil ah PAHL ah jist)

A specialist who loads people onto amusement rides.

pielibrium

(py LIH bree uhm)

The point at which the crust on a wedge of pie outweighs the filling and tips it over.

piepushers

(PY puh shurz)

Attendants at fast food restaurants who, no matter what you order, try to unload apple or cherry turnovers on you.

piewagon

(PY wa gun)

The small vehicle that carries game pieces around a Trivial Pursuit board.

pigslice

(PIG slys)

The last unclaimed piece of pizza that everyone is secretly dying for.

pockalanche

(POK uh lansh)

Perpetual action of reaching down to pick up an item fallen from a shirt pocket, only to have another item fall out.

polarind

(POH luh rynd)

The peeling on a Polaroid snapshot.

porcelator

(PAWR suh lay tawr)

The hole near the rim of the bathroom sink.

posicro

(PAH sih kro)

The magnetic or "charged" strip of velcro. (See: neucro)

postalports

(POH stuhl pawrtz)

The annoying windows in envelopes that never line up with the address.

premaderci

(pree muh DAYR chee)

The act of saying goodbye to someone, then running into him again moments later. Usually accompanied by a lame quip such as "you folling me?"

premail

(PREE mayl)

Mail that is placed behind the visor in the car and left for several months before it is finally sent.

pretzaline

(pret sah LEEN)

The salt deposit at the bottom of a bag of pretzels.

primpo

(PRIM po)

A person who passes a mirror then has to step back, presumably to reassure himself he still exists.

p-spot

(PEE spaht)

The area directly above the urinal in public restrooms that men stare at, knowing a glance in any other direction would arouse suspicion.

pulpid

(PUHL pid)

A kid who enjoys the packaging, carton, or box more than the item that came in it.

pulpularity

(puhl pyew LAHR ih tee)

Molecular property of newspaper clippings that allows them to tear evenly north to south but jaggedly east to west.

puntificate

(puhn TIH fih kayt)

To try to predict in what direction a football will bounce after hitting the ground.

pupsqueak

(PUHP skweek)

The sound a yawning dog emits when it opens its mouth too wide.

Letter R

rampriot

(RAMP ry uht)

Free-for-all that erupts as soon as the stewardess utters the phrase "please remain in your seats until the plane has come to a complete stop."

reled

(ree LED)

To reset all the digital clocks in the household following a power failure.

roebinks

(ROH binks)

Those mysterious chimes you always hear in department stores.

rohrshirt

(ROAR shurt)

A shirt with an ink stain on the pocket.

rubbage

(RUH bij)

Large pieces of truck tire found on the side of the road.

Letter S

schwiggle

(SHWI gul)

The amusing rotation of one's bottom while sharpening a pencil.

scribblics

(SKRIH bliks)

Warm-up exercises designed to get the ink in a pen flowing.

servelence

(SURV lents)

The sudden lull in conversation that occurs at a table of diners when the food is served.

shocklet

(SHAHK lit)

The seldom-used third hole on an electrical outlet.

shuzma

(SHUHZ muh)

The portion of window cleaner that the spray tube can no longer reach.

slopweaver

(SLAHP wee vuhr)

Someone who has mastered the art of repositioning the food on his plate to give the appearance of having consumed a good portion of it.

slottery and vendication

(SLOT er ee and VEN di kay shun)

A public misdemeanor in which a person gambles on a vending machine, loses, and tries to exact revenge by kicking it.

slurch

(slerch)

The combination "ouch" and slurping noise one makes when eyeing someone else's bad sunburn.

snackmosphere

(SNAK moh sfeer)

The empty but explosive layer of air at the top of a potato chip bag.

snargle

(SNAR gul)

To lessen the visual impact of a horror movie by filtering it through one's fingers.

snuggage

(SNUH gaj)

The act of retying both shoestrings when only one needed it.

somnambapologist

(som nam ba POL uh jist)

Person too polite to admit he was sleeping even when awakened at three in the morning.

spagellum

(spa GEL um)

The loose strands on each forkful of spaghetti that beats one about the chin and whiskers.

spood

(spewd)

Flat wooden "spoon" that accompanies ice cream cups.

sprout lines

(sprowt lines)

Visible lines at the bottom of trouser legs where the hems have been let down.

spudrubble

(SPUD ruhb uhl)

Unclaimed french fries at the bottom of a fast food bag.

squaffels

(SKWA felz)

The individual squares comprising a waffle.

squanderprint

(SKWAN duhr print)

Directions that try to make you use up a product faster than you normally would. (Example: Apply shampoo. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.)

squatflection

(SKWAT flek shun)

The distorted reflection in a car window that makes you resemble a midget wrestler.

squatic diversion

(SKWA tik dy VUR zhun)

Any pretended activity that commands a dog owner's attention while the dog relieves itself on a neighbor's lawn.

squigger

(SWIG uhr)

A cherry tomato that explodes upon contact with a fork.

subatomic toasticles

(sub ah TOM ik TOH stik uhlz)

Tiny fragments of toast left behind in the butter.

Letter T

table snorkeling

(TAY bul SNAWRK ling)

Frantic gesticulations when one bites into hot food and has to take air in to cool it off.

telletiquette

(tel ET ih ket)

The polite distance kept by one person behind another at an automatic teller machine so as not to be suspected of trying to glimpse at that person's secret code.

teloustic

(tel OO stik)

adj.

The tendency for people to shout into the phone when calling long distance.

testlice

(TEST lys)

Those tiny bugs that invade your hair when you're taking an exam.

toilet toupee

(TOY lit too PAY)

Any shag carpet toilet cover that causes the lid to become top-heavy, thus creating endless annoyance to male users.

toolcentric

(tewl SEN trik)

adj.

Describes any tool that, when dropped, rolls to the exact center of the car's underside.

trideckpick

(try DEK pik)

A miniature sword or similar device used to hold a sandwich together.

tubswizzle

(TUB swih zuhl)

To slide oneself back and forth in the bathtub in order to mix the too hot water with the cooler water.

turfigee and pedigee

(TER fih jee and PED ih jee)

The two extreme target points of a rotary lawn sprinkler, turfigee being the safest point at which to walk past, pedigee being the most dangerous.

twinkidue

(TWIN kee dew)

The residue on the inside of the wrapper that every junk food addict eventually gets to.

Letter U

uclipse

(YEW klips)

The dangerous arc into another lane made by drivers just before executing a turn.

umbilinkus

(uhm bih LINK us)

The tiny appendage at the end of a link sausage.

umbrace

(UHM brays)

The small strap that holds an umbrella in place.

underhoodist

(un dur HOOD ist)

A service station attendant with a genius for locating hood latches.

unfare

(un FAYR)

The dollar you owe the cab driver before you've even moved a foot.

unipea

(YEW ni pee)

A peanut with only one compartment.

Letter V

vacation elbow

(vay KAY shun EL bo)

A condition that suddenly develops in a father's arm during a vacation trip that allows him to reach out and slap you from incredible distances.

vegeludes

(VEJ eh loodz)

Individual peas or kernels of corn that you end up chasing all over the plate.

vendometric

(ven doh MEH trik)

A person who inserts his change into a vending machine according to size (dimes, nickels, quarters).

vendovalueist

(ven doh VAL yew ist)

A person who inserts his change into a vending machine according to monetary value (nickels, dimes, quarters).

voitlock

(VOYT lok)

When the basketball gets lodged between the rim and the backboard.

Letter W

waftic

(WAHF tik)

adj.

Describes any person in whose direction campfire or barbeque smoke always blows.

werdle

(WURD uhl)

To lean over the edge of a train or subway platform in search of the oncoming vehicle.

werdlemass

(WURD uhl mass)

An entire group of people leaning over the edge of a train or subway platform in search of the oncoming vehicle.

wiskage

(WIS kaj)

The gravitational property that causes clothes to stick to the outside of the drum after the spin cycle.

woowad

(WEW wad)

Giant clumps of stuck-together rice served at Chinese restaurants.

Letter X

xeroxpox

(ZEE roks poks)

Skin disease of copier paper, characterized by the appearance of large black powdery blotches.

Letter Y

yotate

(YOH tayt)

To allow a yo-yo to unwind itself.

Letter Z

zebralane

(ZEE bruh layn)

The striped area between the interstate and the turnoff lane where cars go when drivers can't decide what to do next.

zeept

(zeept)

The accumulation of dead insects around an electric bug zapper.

zerblot

(ZUR blaht)

The last kid picked in any neighborhood sporting event.

zipcuffed

(ZIP cuft)

To be trapped in one's trousers by a faulty zipper.